Being Present and Listening

I went into my weekly acupuncture session today with quite a few things about which I wanted to talk to my doctor (she’s both a licensed acupuncturist and naturopathic physician). Normally, I spend about 60 minutes there. However, today I noticed I was there for 90 minutes, probably because I had a laundry list of questions for her. Something that struck me on my way home was that at no point did I feel rushed to get through my questions or the information I needed to relay to her, which sometimes happens in busy doctors’ offices. She was completely present, attentively listening and collaborating with me, and made me feel like I was more than just another patient. 

The ability to be present with and listen attentively to people is something that, as a therapist, I obviously value a great deal in my work with clients. The ability to make room for people to have their voice heard, sometimes for the first time, is critical to a meaningful therapeutic relationship. For those of you who are clients of Brett and Joli, I think you experience something very similar when you are training with them. For the 55 minutes you are training, YOU (and your health) are their primary focus. Their approach is personal and considers not only their expertise as trainers, but also your input. Therefore, they also have to be skilled at attentively listening and knowing when to give you space to voice your feedback.

While these are examples of professionals in their field, I don’t think you need to be a trained doctor, therapist, or personal trainer to see the value of truly being present with and listening to the person with whom you are interacting. How many times have you had a conversation with a co-worker, a friend, or a loved one and felt that part of them was somewhere else? Did you feel completely heard, understood, or acknowledged? And now, what if the roles were reversed? How do you think your friend or loved one feels when he/she is trying to have a conversation with you, but you’re pre-occupied with something else, reading the paper, doing several things at a time? Now, I understand that we all have to multitask, especially if we are juggling multiple roles. However, we can always take a little time, and sometimes it just takes a few moments, to be 100% focused on the person sitting in front of us or on the other end of the phone. So, the next time you’re tempted to be talking on the phone and writing an email at the same time, let the email wait and focus on the person on the phone. Or if your spouse, friend, or parent is telling you about his/her day at work and you’re reading the mail, stop, sit down, and listen to their story. The power of presence is a gift that doesn’t cost a dime, but is extremely valuable to the recipient (and you’ll be amazed at what you learn as well).

--Nicole