Putting Yourself First...Really?

I had an interesting conversation with a client recently that nicely clarified what it means to put yourself first. We bandied about cliches like, 'you have to be 100% to give 100%', or 'how can you take care of others if you can't take care of yourself?'. As trite as statements like these may sound, they do approach a fundamental truth: if your life is crumbling, chances are the relationships around you are as well. In the end, however, we both agreed that the idea of putting yourself first had become entirely perverted in recent years.

Prior to being exploited by advertising giants and talk show gurus, PYF was intended to uplift, reaffirm & motivate. The simple idea of tending to your most basic well being would make you a more successful, more complete person. However, since the mainstream embrace of all-things-in-excess and the 'I'm worth it' ideology, the simple approach of PYF has been eclipsed by the necessity of cosmetic surgery, the necessity of a new outfit for every social event, the necessity of a third car that shows off my unique personality, the necessity of the spa week, etc. Case & Point: The seeming popularity of The Real Housewives series on Bravo. I'm sure I'm not the first or last blogger to toss that show under the bus, but it crystallizes my point perfectly. The toxic combination of grandiose self-pity & self absorption displayed by these characters makes me want to put my foot through the TV. Or, just change the channel. It's a choice. And if it seems like I am unfairly ganging up on women, that's certainly not my intention. Men are just as guilty as women when it comes to the bastardization of putting yourself first. Take a close look at our current global financial crisis, and you'll find the oily fingerprints of men on practically every imploded asset, derivative and credit-default swap.

In life, I'm careful to avoid self-righteousness and pontification. And I do not inherently have a problem with those who choose to spend their time & money on the aforementioned products & services. For God's Sake, my business would not exist were it not for these people! No, my problem is with those who seek to equate unbridled self-indulgence with PYF. There comes a point when you've put yourself first so often that none of your pursuits can adequately address the other people in your life. Hence, the crumbling of these relationships, and ultimately yourself. Again, the original intent of PYF was to emphasize the benefits of keeping one's self whole and balanced, thereby allowing your life to thrive from a stable foundation. It's time to take back, or re-write the original intent of putting yourself first.